July 26th, 2013
|01:04 pm - [Data Loss.]|
So a couple of years ago I lost both my laptop and the new external hard drive that I had filled with pretty much every file I've ever had. It sucked so much. I cannot tell you. I kept a Notepad file open on my desktop every day for like a decade at least. I'd write notes and thoughts and document the day in some way. I had years of those and they are gone. More photos than I can count. Scans of art that I made but no longer have. Just an entire life worth of data. And believe me on this one; it was a lot. I am a saver and collector and documenter of a great deal of my life.
An example: One year at Burning Man I took a digital camera that used 3.5 floppy disks. I took a ton of photos and the disks were hard to read from even back then as they were so goddam dusty from the desert. I eventually copied all of the photos to my hard drive and tossed the disks. Those files are gone.
I still get sort of bummed just thinking about it and the whole event has become a very real jumping off point for a great many conversations that I have in my head about what is important. And what is real. And what is imagined and invented. And so much more.
One thing that comes up a lot whenever I let myself think of the things that I lost is that I really don't even know what I lost. I almost get the most upset when I think about the loss and then try and imagine what could have been on those drives. How can I know? I can't. But it's the imagined possibilities that seem to always bug me the most.
Anyway, as a Buddhist it has been great to examine this event and how it so closely parallels our own human existence.
I was reading some stuff on Shambala Sun this morning and it reminded me of the data loss thing.
Sam Harris said this:
"It is as yet undetermined what it means to be human, because every facet of our culture—and even our biology itself—remains open to innovation and insight. We do not know what we will be a thousand years from now—or indeed that we will be, given the lethal absurdity of many of our beliefs—but whatever changes await us, one thing seems unlikely to change: as long as experience endures, the difference between happiness and suffering will remain our paramount concern. "
The full article is here: http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=2903Itemid=247
i was speaking with man last night about memory, attachment, ....
one of my friends had a senior neighbor in his apartment building. the senior died.
the next day, ,,i mean the very next day her family came and cleaned out her home, dumping many photo albums in the trash compactor.
my friend saw them later and felt profound discomfort.
all that womans attached memories ,,,,the meaning evaporated when she died and that makes me think of every photo i take, and how i admire the world i live in via the camera, via the computer,,,
and when i die, who will throw out the images for me?
and what even *is* meaning? what truly holds value and why and what about all the shit i lost and/or dumpstered myself in my lifetime.
This is all heavy stuff for me. Simulacra and Simulation level ideas and it makes me glad to know that I have a subject that so profoundly prompts me to weigh out my own thoughts. If that makes sense.
I think that I am so attached to certain things is just because I want them to be around as a Rolodex of Memory Prompts.
This whole subject, honestly, would take me forever to hammer out entirely.
Add To List of Reasons Jams Loves JasonWent
I am the opposite. I throw out everything. It is a serious surprise when i find things from the past. I have a small lunch box that has a few things in it. when I move I purge. throwing out stacks of books, clothes, pictures. music etc etc..
My mom sent me a box when I lived in SF it never arrived. it was heartbreaking after that I decided I never needed to collect or save tokens of experience. My mom recently sent me my pointe shoes. what did I do?... I tried them on then put them in the kitchen trash.
I seriously envy people that are able to do that. But at the same time I am not sure I'd want to be one of them. I kind of have grown to appreciate my emotional handicaps.
I am learning yet to love my emotional deformities. saving things feels painful to me.not sure why.?